If you're a human (and especially a female) I'm sure you're familiar with feeling sad. I do not mean being upset because something obvious happened, I mean when something dark and viscous fills you on the inside and there's no space left for joy in your heart. If in those moments you were ever thinking of how to deal with these uncontrollable emotions and bring peace and order back to your soul, this post is for you.
Originally I wanted to create a guideline with advice on "how to deal with a bad mood" such as "take a bath," "go on a walk" etc. While I was thinking about it I realized that, first of all, coloring in or eating half a cake will only give you temporary satisfaction, and second of all, I found something more profound and interesting.
The reason why I came to those conclusions is the name of my blog. When I started thinking about how Jesus dealt with emotions, I realized that the solution doesn't only lay in physical satisfaction and psychological work.
Why Jesus?
Let's start with defining why I use Jesus as an example here. While reading the Bible many people might think that Jesus was this superhero who never felt hungry or thirsty, who was always on top physically and spiritually, and who never experienced any negative feelings and emotions.
Yes, in some sense Jesus was a Superhero and everyone would want to be as spiritual as He was (imagine being this close to the Father!) But the Bible says that in every respect He was tempted as we are yet without sin (Heb. 4:15). This means that hunger, weariness, sadness, and yearning of the soul were very familiar to Him. We could find examples of these in the Gospels.
Jesus' Solitude
If you carefully read about Jesus' life in the Bible you may notice that often evangelists say how he would go to deserted places by himself. I checked in the Bible: we can find mentions of it after Jesus' baptism (a milestone in His life - Mat. 4:1), the death of John the Baptist (His close friend and relative - Matt. 14:13), and active days of ministry (when He was physically and mentally tired - Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16). In one of the verses, Jesus tells his disciples to go and rest by going to a desolate place (Mark 6:31), and right before His crucifixion we all know that He went to the garden to pray and be alone (Mark. 14:32).
We can see that for different reasons (including the turmoil of His soul) Jesus would separate from the crowd and seclude himself in a deserted place (which doesn't mean dunes like in a desert but rather a desolate place where he could be alone). One of the books that I've read focuses on this fact and tells us to seek peace and comfort in solitude just like Jesus did. And I think this is a great idea!
When the world around us becomes too noisy, when the circumstances of our lives become unbearable, when every little thing makes our eyes water, when we can't understand what's going on in our hearts, and when all peace is gone - follow Jesus' example and seclude yourself. Leave everything behind and be by yourself.
Solitude of the 21st Century
In Jesus' life solitude meant a deserted place but nowadays we have more ways to stay alone. Here are some of them:
go on a walk (in the park, around the neighborhood, anywhere);
take a bath or a shower;
do something creative - draw, paint, sew, sculpt - anything, and you don't even have to be good at it;
journal - not necessarily every day, just sit down and write down your thoughts and feelings;
in the moment of anger or irritation you can simply go to a different room to calm down;
anything you want to add to this list will work too!
Why do we need solitude? To turn off all the voices around us and look inside of ourselves. What's going on in there?
Introspection
The main idea of solitude is to figure out yourself, your feelings, and your thoughts. This is why I would not recommend watching movies, scrolling through social media, or even napping. When you're practicing solitude, take the time to think about what you feel, why you feel that, and what you can do about it. You can even say it all out loud!
Sometimes emotions produce more emotions and negative thoughts produce more thoughts (I would call it overthinking), this is why sound judgment can put your mind in order. Some people recommend "crying your eyes out" to feel better but I'm not one of them because this just makes you feel sorry for yourself and it's hard to stop. I would simply ask myself some questions and then answer them.
What am I feeling? How would I call this emotion?
Is it disappointment, anger, or bitterness? Sometimes it's pretty hard to place it but if you can it's easier to deal with it.
What was the reason? What triggered it?
Sometimes the real reasons for our emotions are a little deeper than we think. An argument could be just a trigger while the real reason is the relationship that has been going down for years.
Which need is not being met?
Someone on the Internet called it "what is my anger telling me?" Maybe what you feel just tells you that you need attention or love?
How can I fix it?
Sometimes I like to imagine anything that would make me feel better. So sometimes I realize that a hug or a walk would help me right now. Our bodies can give us clues.
It's also important to realize what is okay and what isn't. Feeding your bitterness toward your parents is not okay. Being upset because you lost your umbrella is okay but not for long. Mourning the death of a loved one is okay but even this sorrow shouldn't own us forever.
Sometimes I notice that the devil uses my negative emotions to deprive me of the peace and joy that God intended for me. There could be a legit reason to be sad but he pushes me into a vortex of thought where I start to feel sorry for myself, blame the circumstances, and subconsciously reject God. Recognizing this problem makes it easier to deal with it.
The Solution
If on the stage of self-analysis you figured out what you can do with your problem - do it.
In some cases, you will have to go and talk to someone - for example if you're feeling bitter after arguing with your friend, or if you think that your parents don't love you or respect you. Many disagreements can be solved through communication, but I understand that often it's hard to open up or apologize.
Sometimes all you need to do is meet your physical needs - eat and sleep. By the way, God himself gave the same advice to Elijah when he was depressed and was asking God to take him (1 Kings 19). Just remember that you should be careful because the habit of eating to feel better is an eating disorder.
In many cases, the yearning of the soul the reason for which you can't have peace could be spiritual hunger. Think about it: when was the last time you dwelled in God's presence? Whan was the last time you received a revelation through His word? Maybe it's time for you to unlock your prayer closet and spend some time with the Father. The time I spend in prayer and meditating over the Scriptures always fills my heart with peace.
Speaking of spiritual hunger. The further you go from God, the easier it becomes for the devil to attack you. If I find myself in such a situation, I know exactly what to do. I start proclaiming the truth.
Proclaiming the Truth
Did you know that a spiritual person lives in peace and joy? (Gal. 5:22) Did you know that if you call yourself a Christian, you are the heir of the Kingdom of Heaven? (Jas. 2:5) Did you know that the Kingdom of God is peace and joy in the Holy Spirit? (Rom. 14:17)
I'm pretty sure you know all of that but do you always remember it? Especially when your heart is filled with all kinds of emotions. Proclaim that you belong to God. Proclaim that satan doesn't have authority over you. Proclaim that you are called to freedom and joy. Proclaim that the Lord is with you! Say that out loud for yourself, for the spiritual world, for God, say it so that your heart believes in it.
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you (Jas. 4:7)
The book of Revelation says that "they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony" (Rev. 12:11). Our words have power, and it's not a joke but a powerful weapon. Start reading the Bible out loud. Find God's promises to you, write them down, and learn them by heart. Sing the words of praise and worship. Read through the book of Psalms, and find how David dealt with sorrows and attacks. Read his songs and prayers, relate to them, and start proclaiming!
Just read these powerful words:
I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together!
I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him and delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Psalm 34
Resist the Devil
If you turn to the Scriptures you will find a story where a man resisted the devil. Moreover, this man was Jesus, and this story should be familiar to anyone who ever went to church. Being weakened physically and mentally (but not spiritually) Jesus faced temptations from the devil. What did He do in response to satan's attempts to fail Him?
Jesus quoted the Scriptures. He didn't have the privilege of reading and preaching the New Testament but He skilfully used the Old Testament to resist the devil. Do you know your Bible enough to use it as your shield and your weapon? Do you know God's promises to you? Do you know what you're called to and what you stand on?
The Bible says that faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ (Rom. 10:17). If you fill your heart with the Word of God - whether it's directly from the Bible or interpreted in a sermon or a book - your faith will grow. And if your faith grows, it will be strong enough to fight temptations, attacks, and other devil's attempts to steal your joy.
Friends, don't be scared of the devil attacking you. This is his nature and his mission, and it means that you are valuable in God's kingdom! This is why he is trying to lead you astray, confuse you and shift your focus. "Resist him, firm in your faith" (1 Pet. 5:9).
When It's Hard to Be Alone
We all understand that it's not easy to fight alone. Sometimes our solitude can weaken us, and our thoughts can take an unexpected turn and take us down. In this case, you need to find someone who can share your burden with you.
I can not give you a one-fits-all solution because all situations are different. But this someone can be anyone. It can be your pastor or a counselor if you're fighting an addiction, a sin, a great problem, or a serious sorrow. It can be your mentor or some leader that you trust when you need the support of an older and more experienced friend. Or it can simply be your friend without any spiritual education but with eagerness to pray for you and fight with you.
Often we simply need to talk to someone to put our thoughts in order. Share your feelings with someone. Ask them to pray for you. Read the Bible together. Go to church. Seek fellowship that will help you grow closer to God. The closer you are to Him, the more you will feel His support in your struggles and your battles with something you find unbearable.
The Conclusion
If you only remember one thought from this article, let it be this one: God is always on your side. Whatever you're struggling with, run to the Lord. Alone or with a friend, running or crawling, quietly or loudly - seek God. Maybe a talk or a walk will help you, but maybe it won't. I know what will help you - God's presence. His Spirit will lead you to healing, deliverance, and peace.
And don't forget that "neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Rom. 8:38-39). Amen!
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